Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
