you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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