I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
