Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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