I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
