I am puke
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
