u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
