It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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