I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how does that bad decision feel?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
