why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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