I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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