i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just google imaged poop.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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