Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
