I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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