I want you more than these girls want KFC
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
