My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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