why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we're making bets on your personal life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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