You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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