Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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