I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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