my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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