I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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