I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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