shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
