She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
