I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
