I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
