Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
