I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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