we have officially lost it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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