Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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