Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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