I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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