I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
