I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
