She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
