If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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