Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
