want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
