Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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