I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
