They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
