We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
