This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
