This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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