why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
