if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
