Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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