Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
