That's intense
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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