You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
