and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
