Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
