I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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