My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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