Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
