Pappa wants mamma naked
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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