I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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