So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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