I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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