I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
