he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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