Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
