I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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