He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Houston, we have a squirter
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
